This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
