it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
