I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
