Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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