I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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