apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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