Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
