I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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