am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
