I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
