a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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