My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
