I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
