The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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