Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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