I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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