if you like me you must not know who I am
Please, let me fuck your mom
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
