Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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