the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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