this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
