i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
