billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she told me i tasted like america
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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