Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
