he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
