Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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