The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
