Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
sex in a hospital.. check
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
