I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
