If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
