I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
