I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
