Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
