At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
