i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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