Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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