I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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