so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
