I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
