And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
