it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
