So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
