i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
