So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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