hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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