Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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