I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
