she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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