Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
