did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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