made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
