My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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