Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
