i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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